Thomas Merton: Embracing Imperfection

Navigating the tension between spiritual ideals and daily realities

Reflecting on Thomas Merton's¹ 1950 letter to Abbot James Fox, I'm struck by the familiar tension between spiritual ideals and daily realities. This was nine years after he arrived at the Abbey of Gethsemani in Kentucky. His struggle with the Cautions of St. John of the Cross (guidelines for avoiding spiritual pitfalls), echoes my own efforts to simply align my life with spiritual wisdom – it’s not just a matter of choosing it. His admission of not living up to these standards resonates, highlighting the difficulty for human beings to live their longings, even as monastics. His prayer at the end, to become more simple and detached, is what I long for, I think. Receiving it, seems to be equally a commitment to practice as a test of patience. That’s something I’m learning the further I travel along the Threefold Way. Which makes sense when you think about it: if Christlike transformation happened quickly, we’d sacrifice patience, which is precisely what we need if we’re going to be safe growing forever with God.

1950

Abbot James Fox,

I went through the retreat with the impression of being very much talked at without having proportionate time to think. Most of the retreat was actually condensed, for me, into the time following the last conference, and this morning when, thanks to your kindness and to the mercy of God, we got out of chapter by 6:15!

I had been hoping to meditate a little on the Cautions of St. John of the Cross. I have at least glanced through them. I took them as the standard of my religious life at solemn profession and have never really lived up to them.

I know they contain the secret of success. Using them I know that I can really make good use of the opportunities God has given me here. I can lead a contemplative life here. It takes some doing, but if I do not insist on having everything exactly my own way, Our Lord will do most of the work.

My biggest obstacle is my own tendency to decide beforehand just how I want to serve Our Lord, instead of letting Him tell me what He wants.

However I do think that in the last year I have gone far in getting over this I am much more indifferent about plans and means.

Please pray for me to become more and more simple and detached and ask Our Lord to bring me to that deep interior solitude which He desires of me, thus giving me a real defense against all the apparent movement and activity around about, which I sometimes allow to upset me. I certainly can't complain when I see what you have to suffer.²

1. Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968) was an American Trappist monk, poet, social activist, and author. In his writings, he explored themes of spirituality and human nature, often exploring their interconnections. He was a well-known pacifist and a voice of conscience during the turbulent years of the 1960s. He wrote more than sixty books, including spiritual autobiographies, contemplative writings, poetry, and social criticism. He once said: "Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worth it."

2. Merton, Thomas. The School of Charity: The Letters of Thomas Merton on Religious Renewal and Spiritual Direction. New York: Farrar, Straus, Giroux, 1990.